I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
