Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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