I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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