We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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