went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
