Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
