I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize