just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i think i have two assholes
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
