i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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