This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
