true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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