I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
