WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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