he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
