it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
