I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
