I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Michael Bay diarrhea
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
