Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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