Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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