Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize