I love black thongs
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
