Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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