watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
