I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
