I am puke
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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