If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
