Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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