You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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