Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
