If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
