i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
