Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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