I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
