Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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