A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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