that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
