Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
