I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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