One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
