i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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