You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
