The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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