I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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