The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
