Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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