My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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