It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I cut my penus on the lid.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize