No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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