my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
