; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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