I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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