i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
