Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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