I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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