First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
