She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
