she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
