He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
