Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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