I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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