If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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