I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
