Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
