I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
