I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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