You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
